Making a Great First Impression

Getting off to a Good Start

 

It takes just a quick glance, maybe three seconds, for someone to evaluate you when you meet for the first time. In this short time, the other person forms an opinion about you based on your appearance, your body language, your demeanor, your mannerisms, and how you are dressed.

With every new encounter, you are evaluated and yet another person's impression of you is formed. These first impression can be nearly impossible to reverse or undo, making those first encounters extremely important, for they set the tone for all the relationships that follows.

So, whether they are in your career or social life, it's important to know how to create a good first impression. This article provides some useful tips to help you do this.

Be on Time

Someone you are meeting for the first time is not interested in your "good excuse" for running late. Plan to arrive a few minutes early. And allow flexibility for possible delays in traffic or taking a wrong turn. Arriving early is much better that arriving late, hands down, and is the first step in creating a great first impression.

Be Yourself, Be at Ease

If you are feeling uncomfortable and on edge, this can make the other person ill at ease and that's a sure way to create the wrong impression. If you are calm and confident, so the other person will feel more at ease, and so have a solid foundation for making that first impression a good one. See our section on relaxation techniques to find out how to calm that adrenaline!

Present Yourself Appropriately

Of course physical appearance matters. The person you are meeting for the first time does not know you and your appearance is usually the first clue he or she has to go on.

But it certainly does not mean you need to look like a model to create a strong and positive first impression. (Unless you are interviewing with your local model agency, of course!)

No. The key to a good impression is to present yourself appropriately.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so the "picture" you first present says much about you to the person you are meeting. Is your appearance saying the right things to help create the right first impression?

Start with the way you dress. What is the appropriate dress for the meeting or occasion? In a business setting, what is the appropriate business attire? Suit, blazer, casual? And ask yourself what the person you'll be meeting is likely to wear – if your contact is in advertising or the music industry, a pinstripe business suit may not strike the right note!

For business and social meetings, appropriate dress also varies between countries and cultures, so it's something that you should pay particular attention to when in an unfamiliar setting or country. Make sure you know the traditions and norms.

And what about your grooming? Clean and tidy appearance is appropriate for most business and social occasions. A good haircut or shave. Clean and tidy clothes. Neat and tidy make up. Make sure your grooming is appropriate and helps make you feel "the part".

Appropriate dressing and grooming help make a good first impression and also help you feel "the part", and so feel more calm and confident. Add all of this up and you are well on your way to creating a good first impression.

A Word About Individuality

The good news is you can usually create a good impression without total conformity or losing your individuality. Yes, to make a good first impression you do need to "fit in" to some degree. But it all goes back to being appropriate for the situation. If in a business setting, wear appropriate business attire. If at a formal evening social event, wear appropriate evening attire. And express your individuality appropriately within that context.

A Winning Smile!

As the saying goes, "Smile and the world smiles too." So there's nothing like a smile to create a good first impression. A warm and confident smile will put both you and the other person at ease. So smiling is a winner when it comes to great first impressions. But don't go overboard with this – people who take this too far can seem insincere and smarmy, or can be seen to be "lightweights."

Be Open and Confident

When it comes to making the first impression, body language as well as appearance speaks much louder than words.

Use your body language to project appropriate confidence and self-assurance. Stand tall, smile (of course), make eye contact, greet with a firm handshake. All of this will help you project confidence and encourage both you and the other person to feel better at ease.

Almost everyone gets a little nervous when meeting someone for the first time, which can lead to nervous habits or sweaty palms. By being aware of your nervous habits, you can try to keep them in check. And controlling a nervous jitter or a nervous laugh will give you confidence and help the other person feel at ease. Again, see our section on relaxation techniques for help with this.

Small Talk Goes a Long Way

Conversations are based on verbal give and take. It may help you to prepare questions you have for the person you are meeting for the first time beforehand. Or, take a few minutes to learn something about the person you meet for the first time before you get together. For instance, does he play golf? Does she work with a local charitable foundation?

Is there anything that you know of that you have in common with the person you are meeting? If so, this can be a great way to open the conversation and to keep it flowing.

Be Positive

Your attitude shows through in everything you do. Project a positive attitude, even in the face of criticism or in the case of nervousness. Strive to learn from your meeting and to contribute appropriately, maintaining an upbeat manner and a smile.

Be Courteous and Attentive

It goes without saying that good manners and polite, attentive and courteous behavior help make a good first impression. In fact, anything less can ruin the one chance you have at making that first impression. So be on your best behavior!

One modern manner worth mentioning is "turn off your mobile phone". What first impression will you create if you are already speaking to someone other than the person you are meeting for the first time? Your new acquaintance deserves 100% of your attention. Anything less and you'll create a less than good first impression.

Effective Communication with Mindfulness

                                
Have you ever had the experience while talking to someone where the person is really not listening to you? They act like they are but it is obvious that they aren’t. The ironic part is that they probably think they are communicating with you but on some level you just feel that you weren’t heard at all.
Communication is something we all engage in on a daily basis but due to the pace of our lives, conversations become just formalities. It is like when you go to the store and the cashier asks you: “how are you?” It’s as if she was on cruise control as opposed to really being interested in how you are doing.
Living mindfully isn’t limited to meditation, but can also be applied to effective communication in our daily interactions with other people. This article takes a look at 10 effective communication tips using the principles of mindfulness.

In my work as an attorney, eighty percent of cases I have seen in my career are a result of some form of misunderstanding and lack of effective communication. People agree to do something. They sign papers and start working on a project. Eventually, it turns out that each party heard something completely different.

Communication Truth: We Hear What We Want to Hear

Let’s say someone tells you that they will talk to you later. Well, what does later mean? Does it mean five minutes from now? Does it mean five hours or five days from now? Or is that a polite way to convey that they have no desire to ever talk to you again? The possibilities are endless
I was recently talking to a friend about a problem that I had. I poured my heart out to her and when it was her turn to talk, she just gave me her thoughts which were mainly about herself and totally missed the point of what I was saying. I realize that my friend had good intentions but she was just not listening.
My initial reaction was sadness because I did not see how she could have misunderstood what I was saying. I started to wonder if maybe I did not express myself clearly. However, as I thought about what she had told me, I realized that she was listening to me from the perspective of her views of the world without placing herself in my shoes.
My friend was trying to find something in her life that made her feel the same way without truly understanding what I was feeling. It was like she heard only one word and was only focused on that one word but not the context.
The whole interaction fascinated me. Of course, that was not the first time I have had such an experience with someone. However, it was the first time where all the pieces fell into place and I realized the importance of applying mindfulness into my own communication.

Communication vs. Mindfulness Communication

Mindfulness communication is a term that originates in Buddhist philosophy and became popular in the West due to the work of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn. He is the person who is credited for introducing to the medical profession the concept that meditation helps people reduce stress and other physical ailments.
Mindfulness communication means to listen and speak with compassion, kindness and awareness. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, regular communication is defined as “the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.”
As you notice in the above definition, there is no mention of compassion or kindness. If you watch any regular interaction between people, the form of communication will appear to fit the regular definition.
One person says one thing and the other person shares their thoughts. Most of the time, when someone is asked a question, they answer immediately. Not many seem to really think before speaking. In order to engage in effective communication using mindfulness, we have to listen mindfully and speak mindfully.

5 Tips to Listen with Mindfulness

1. Clear Your Head

When someone starts to talk to you, do your best to clear your head of any thoughts that are occupying your mind. Remove any sense of judgment about the person who is talking.
To listen to someone with a preconceived idea of who you think they are or what they are about to say, puts you at a disadvantage because you may miss what you could otherwise learn from the person who is talking.

2. Create a Safe Space

It is never easy for someone to open themselves up and tell you what is on their mind. If you really are attentive to what they are saying, it indirectly tells the other person that it is safe for them to be themselves with you.

3. Maintain Eye Contact

When someone is talking to you, do not look at your feet or the ceiling or whatever else is surrounding you. Just look into the eyes of the person who is talking. It shows that you care and wouldn’t you want someone to do the same for you?

4. Put Yourself In The Other Person’s Perspective

Experiences are relative; meaning people react and see things based on how they view the world. Put yourself in the shoes of the person who is talking and try to see the world from that angle.
Back in 2004, I was working in an office where everyone was a big supporter of a certain political view. I thought they were crazy but when I tried to understand why they all supported it, I saw that they really were good people who thought that the political idea in question would protect them. I disagreed but that was okay. I saw why they thought the way that they did. It made working with them so much easier.

5. Don’t Assume

If the person who is talking says something that you do not understand or is not very clear, don’t assume a thing but ask them to clarify their statement. Many times people assume that the other person means one thing when in reality they could be talking about something totally different. There is nothing wrong with asking questions as long as you ask them with compassion.

5 Tips to Speak with Mindfulness

Photo by Nathiya Prathnadi

1. Think Before Speaking

When someone asks you a question, don’t just immediately start talking. Take at least ten to twenty seconds (or more) to think about the question and how you want to answer.
When I first started dating my husband, I used to get impatient when it would take him a long time to answer my questions but then I realized he was thinking about what to say and I wasn’t used to someone actually taking the time to ponder the question.
It touched me so much, I started to do the same and it is amazing how much people really appreciate it when you take their questions seriously.

2. Choose Your Words Consciously

Just because something makes sense to you does not mean it will make sense to the other person.
I have a friend who has a very strange sense of humor. Most of the time, it sounds like he is insulting you but in reality he is not. I don’t think he is aware of what he does and he is always amazed that people get mad at him or feel hurt after speaking to him.
Painful words can cause more damage than physical pain, so choose your words consciously and carefully. Not everyone is willing to give another person a second chance. A sentence uttered without thinking can cause a person to lose their job or end a relationship.

3. Speak Your Truth

Many times when we talk to someone, we like to give off a certain image. We want to appear as perfect as possible. We want the other person to like us and to think highly of us. Therefore, many people try too hard to be something they are not and they end up acting that way through a conversation.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to be yourself. That means speaking your truth. This does not mean you have to be rude or mean. You can speak your truth with compassion and kindness.
For example, I once met someone who was very critical of people who were vegans. The funny thing was that the person had no idea that I have been a vegan (vegetarian) for 21 years. I had two choices. I could either play along or tell the truth. I went ahead and told the guy the truth.
I was calm and told him that I understood his point of view. I went on and shared with him my thoughts on the issue. We ended up having a really great conversation and neither one of us ever had to raise our voice. No one likes to be lied to so don’t lie about who you are.

4. Mean What You Say

If when talking to someone, you tell them that you will send them a certain document by a certain date, do keep your word. You will earn a lot of respect when you follow through with your promises.
If you have no desire to talk to one person ever again, then do not say you will give them a call sometime. Whether it is in business or romance or with friends, keeping your word goes a long way. A Buddhist master once said to me, “word, thought and deed have to be one”. So don’t say you will do something when you really don’t intend to do it.

Parting Words: Effective Communication

As a former “Type A” personality, I was always on the go and never really had time to talk to people. I always needed to be somewhere else or to do something. I am very well aware that the above steps may seem too time consuming but if you want to be successful in whatever you do and if you want to have meaningful relationships, you need people. As the saying goes, “it takes two to tango”.
The only way to have people respect you is if you respect them and engaging in effective communication using mindfulness is one of the best methods to earn that respect.

Synchronicity – The Beauty of Coincidences

                     
I missed Yoga this AM, as I thought it was Wednesday instead of Tuesday . . . a recent side effect of finding it hard to sleep and easy to wake up. The irony of all this is I sent the above quote streaming into Twitter space right before I rushed into an empty yoga room. Accident–the greatest of all inventors.
My newly gained, completely open hour gave me the opportunity to write this piece, spend more time in meditation, and just allow my day to flow as it is.
As I approached my 28^th year last month, I’ve learned that mistakes, “accidents” and synchronicities are a recurring open door that provide us with an opportunity to address what really needs our attention. While a simple analogy, sometimes it is in the most ordinary moments of our day where there is wisdom to be found…even in missed yoga.

Perhaps I needed to slow down this morning, outside of the daily ritual I was accustomed to of being with my breath. And instead, get my head out of the clouds (a place where I’ve spent quite a bit of time lately) to be grounded and aware of my thoughts.
Perhaps I needed to break my wellness routine, just for one day, to take a different view of all the possibilities and elements that make up each morning. Perhaps the exploration of morning writing was more meaningful than late at night.
Or, perhaps, thinking it was the wrong day of the week just meant I needed to sleep more–according to my body–regardless of how excited my mind and spirit are, and how the two always want to be awake.
I’m a big believer in the concept of synchronicity, or as more commonly put, “everything happens for a reason.”
According to Wikipedia, the definition of Synchronicity is:

“The experience of two or more events that are apparently casually unrelated, occurring together, in a meaningful manner. The concept of synchronicity was first described by Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung in the 1920s.”

A favorite read of mine is Deepak Chopra‘s book on exploring how synchronistic events in our lives are never accidents or coincidences.
In The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, Deepak introduces the powerful concept of, what he coins, Synchrodestiny. He talks about how to transform your deepest desires and intentions into destiny; how to recognize the possibilities surrounding you; and how to create what you want with the clues that already exist. In this book, Deepak deepened my awareness of synchronicity with the science behind how fish swim:

The final stage of living synchrodestiny occurs when you become fully aware of the interrelatedness to all things, how each affects the next, how they are all “in synch” with one another. “In synch” is a coloquial of saying “in synchronicity,” which means in unison, as one.

Picture a school of fish swimming in one direction, and then in a flash, all the fish change direction. There is no leader giving directions.

The fish don’t think, “The fish in front of me turned left, so I should turn left.”

It all happens simultaneously. The synchronicity is choreographed by a great, pervasive intelligence that lies at the heart of nature, and is manifest in each of us through what we call the soul.

When we learn to live from the level of the soul, many things happen. We become aware of the exquisite patterns and synchronous rhythms that govern all life. We understand the lifetime of memories and experience that have molded us into the people we are today.

I would venture to guess that if Deepak was to complete Mark Twain’s quote, it would read something like this: “Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident—Or not at all.”
The bumps on our journey are the most powerful, transformational encounter. While these bumps may be disguised as interruptions, annoyances, something unplanned and unwanted in our day, there is meaning in its appearance.
Whether one believes in the concept of synchronicity or not, I invite you to approach the mishaps as gifts; the accidents as not so much of an accident; and the people we encounter as someone we can always learn and grow from.
The way you experience your day will shift. Moments will be full of discovery and fulfillment: the messages, the awareness, the blessings, and the abundance that are constantly surrounding us—in this very moment—will glow with significance.
I would like to believe that my accidentally missed yoga this morning allowed this synchronous piece to be created, so I could share a perspective changing concept with you: the universe is gracious and inviting in showing us the way, if we are open to recognizing its power.