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Showing posts with label Personality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personality. Show all posts

## Monday, May 01, 2017

### 100 percent is Attitude?

OH! 100 percent... So good listen that everyone wants 100 percent and it is also good to have 100 percent. Yes. In life everyone wants 100 percent for him/herself. Why should one thinks that he/she wants only 99 percent. There such example of how attitude becomes 100 percent.

Let's check one mathematical expression for how Attitude=100.
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 then...

Then  S-K-I-L-L = 63 percent (19+11+9+12+12)
S-U-C-C-E-S-S = 89 percent (19+21+3+3+5+19+19)
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 96 percent (11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5)
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 98 percent (8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11)
M-E-D-I-T-A-T-I-N = 110 percent (13+5+4+9+20+1+20+9+15+14)
P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E = 115 percent (16+15+19+9+20+9+22+5)
P-E-R-S-O-N-A-L-I-T-Y = 154 percent (16+5+18+19+15+14+1+12+9+20+25)
and finally
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 100 percent (1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5)

Sometimes it is good to have more then 100 percent but it is not necessary that all time having more will be helpful. It is like having Overconfidence or like having some sort of Ego.

## Saturday, September 05, 2015

### How to Be Yourself

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes.~Marcel Proust
Have you ever been in a social setting, suddenly realizing you are not being yourself? This article takes an in depth look at why we play various roles in our lives, and how to overcome these socially conditioned “masks” to be yourself.
Perhaps you’ve caught yourself saying, “I love catching up with my old school buddies, it’s so easy to be myself in their company”? Or, “Felt so miserable at that party, making polite conversation with bunch of superficial people.”
It transpires that we are often not our true selves in the company of others – subconsciously and repeatedly wearing masks that project a certain image of us to the world.
We seem to have a collection of these masks that habitually surface, intending to best serve our self-interest, based on the need of our immediate environment. These masks come in varied shapes and colors like, the aggressor, the conformist, the nice guy, the shy one, etc.
Only when we are able to bring these masks into our active awareness and deal with them, can we be ourselves and experience the freedom that brings.

## Why Do We Pretend?

We acquire these masks from various experiences through life – those gained during our childhood being the most notable and lasting ones. It’s our primal instinct and desire to be loved. This is such a deep longing that right from our childhood, we are constantly adapting to our environment and building different strategies, so we can better fulfill this need.
Depending upon what seems to work, meaning specifically what helps gain our parents’ love during our early years, we subliminally begin to cement those strategies into our psyche.
Some of these become so deep rooted that as adults, we see them as an integral part of our personality – acknowledging it with comments like, “this is the way I am and it’s hard for me to be any other way”.

## The Different Types of Masks

1. High Performer
As bestselling author, John Gray explains in What you feel, you can heal, this is how it works. If we were recognized for exceeding our parents’ expectations, say at school, we can grow up believing that being a high performer is the real ticket to be loved.
As a result, one may always aspire, and even go to great lengths, to exceed others’ expectations, be it one’s supervisor, peers, or spouse. Falling short of our own expectations in any way then is a source of disappointment and an opportunity to blaming ourselves. Also, with this approach, we have high expectations of others and can be very judgmental of them.
2. Conformist
If we were loved and encouraged every time we followed our parents’ directives, we can easily grow up being a conformist, believing that it would not be in our self-interest to go against the norm in any group – a family, social circle or an organization.
3. Diplomat
Similarly, we could play the diplomat, keeping our true feelings to ourselves but seeking to create a congenial atmosphere in a group; the reserved one, always hiding our true selves in the belief that we are not lovable anyways.
4. Poor Me
The poor me person believes in the notion that “only when I am in deep trouble and wronged can I attract others’ attention and love.
5. Aggressor
The aggressor is the person for whom anger and show of superiority is the way to get noticed.
6. Critic
The person who is constantly finding faults with others in order to hide their own inadequacies.
7. Bragger
The bragger, where lack of self-esteem leads to eulogizing about oneself in the hope of being loved and admired.
These masks get hard wired in our personality and show up in every aspect of our life, including at work and in our relationships.
high performer belief system may result in a workaholic or a perfectionist; a poor me mentality may constantly attract trouble – physical or emotional; a critic is never happy with the way things are in any setting and so forth.
As these patterns are accompanied by suppressing our true feelings, they create ongoing emotional baggage in our lives. There’s always then an inner sense of incompleteness, and we are unable to fully experience an emotionally satisfying life.

## How to Be Yourself

“There is but one cause of failure and that is

a man’s lack of faith in his true self.”

~ William James
Despite our subconscious behavior patterns, we can free ourselves from these limiting beliefs and tendencies. This requires making a conscious choice to be true to our feelings and being honest in all our interactions.
At a deeper level, this entails connecting with our pure inner self and realizing that we are truly worthy of being loved, and are capable of fully loving others. That then provides us the courage to express our true thoughts and feelings, without the fear of being judged.

Social interaction is such a key part of human experience that social neuroscientists now believe that as many as four out of every five thoughts we have are in the context of relating to others.
Further, research by Richard Boyatzis, an Emotional Intelligence expert, highlights how fear of social rejection is one of the three most common causes of human stress. A commitment to being authentic in all our interactions can liberate us – feeling confident of being lovable allows us to not suppress our emotions, making us emotionally healthy and resilient.
As Mark Twain said, “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” It also supports us in being more open to seeking others’ help and be willing to be vulnerable, which in turn, may make us even more endearing.
Let me share a couple of quick examples from my coaching experience here. A senior executive, who wanted to work on his relationships, was described by his colleagues as the critic - very controlling, had high expectations of them, and dealt with every shortfall with harsh words.
As he consistently received negative feedback about his relationships and felt highly stressed from his work life, he was committed to make some real changes. As he became more self-aware, he started to notice the underlying beliefs for his difficult behavior – felt it was his egoistic desire to be right, perfectionist nature, and a deep desire to succeed.
As we worked together, he started to shift his expectations from seeking perfection to more wholesome progress; started to better listen to others and put their agenda before his own; became more comfortable with his true self and less judgmental of others – accepting himself as he was and others as they were; overall, becoming more authentic in his listening, sharing, and conduct. Guess, authentic leaders realize that the power lies not in being right, but in being real.
Another client of mine was always striving to be the nice guy, trying to find a suitable compromise to resolving any friction between his parents and his wife. While this served him alright in the initial years, over time, he started to appreciate that this wasn’t really working – his parents expressed always feeling short changed; his wife felt her point of view was never fully respected; the client himself felt stifled constantly searching for convenient solutions that could somehow please everyone.
Paying attention to this, somewhere he recognized the need to begin expressing his honest thoughts and feelings to all parties – this meant bringing the problems of family disconnects in the open for all to see rather than hide them. As he gathered the courage to candidly confront the problems, the family collectively decided to take on some hard decisions – resulting in the client feeling relieved, and everyone feeling comfortable with the decisions.
As is evident in these examples, this process kind of involves two steps:
1. Knowing yourself, and then,
2. Choosing to be yourself.
Knowing yourself revolves around building a deeper understanding of our tendencies to hide behind various masks and being willing to examine them.
As long as there is friction in our relationships and a sense of incompleteness or dissatisfaction in our hearts, we need to remain open to examining our selves and our inner belief systems.
A willingness to dive deeply into our core leads to realizing who we are and how whole, complete and perfect we all are – and that raises our ability to love ourselves as well as to stop doubting our worthiness to receive others’ love.
Being yourself then is about taking responsibility towards overcoming our habitual traits and building the capacity to express ourselves fully and honestly. This means being mindful of our choices at all times and choosing to being totally authentic without being fearful of the outcomes of our words and actions.
Being yourself eventually shifts us away from the inner emotional turmoil and towards feeling lighter, liberated and happy.
* Which masks do you catch yourself wearing? Got tips for being yourself? Share your stories and thoughts with us in the comment section.

## Sunday, June 29, 2014

### Easy Steps for Improvement of Performance at Work

We can improve performance at work in many ways. Here some of ways are describe. Attitude and spending time determine s how successful you are at work.
Here 3 easy steps to improve your performance at work.
1) Have a better personality at work .
Mainly 85 percent of your success in work comes from your personality
and your ability to communicate effectively with others.
It can be determined by how much people like you and respect you. A likable person is often perceived as being better at what they do than a person with a negative personality.
The more you honestly and secencerly listen to another person the more that other person will like and trust you and want to give you additional help and responsibilities.
2)Positive Attitude
Improve Your performance by improving your positive mental attitude. People hire employees they like. When you make an effort to cultivate an attitude of friendliness toward people, they will make extraordinary efforts to open doors for you.
To improve performance at work you must have ability to set priorities and to separate the relevant from the irrelevant. By doing this your subsequent promotion and increased pay are virtually guaranteed.
Please don't forget to share and comment how this is helpful to you and also comment any of your queries.

## Saturday, April 05, 2014

### Personality Traits & Personality Types: What is Personality?

Stephanie Pappas,November 18, 2013 11:38pm ET

What makes you who you are as a person? You probably have some idea of your own personality type — are you bubbly or reserved, sensitive or thick-skinned? Psychologists who try to tease out the science of who we are define personality as individual differences in the way people tend to think, feel and behave.
There are many ways to measure personality, but psychologists have mostly given up on trying to divide humanity neatly into types. Instead, they focus on personality traits.
The most widely accepted of these traits are the Big Four:
• Conscientiousness
• Extraversion
• Agreeableness
• Neuroticism
Conveniently, you can remember these traits with the handy OCEAN mnemonic (or, if you prefer, CANOE works, too).
The Big Five are the ingredients that make up each individual's personality. A person might have a dash of openness, a lot of conscientiousness, an average amount of extraversion, plenty of agreeableness and almost no neuroticism at all. Or someone could be disagreeable, neurotic, introverted, conscientious and hardly open at all.  Here's what each trait entails:

## Openness

Openness is shorthand for "openness to experience." People who are high in openness enjoy adventure. They're curious and appreciate art, imagination and new things. The motto of the open individual might be "Variety is the spice of life."
People low in openness are just the opposite: They prefer to stick to their habits, avoid new experiences and probably aren't the most adventurous eaters. Changing personality is usually considered a tough process, but openness is a personality trait that's been shown to be subject to change in adulthood. In a 2011 study, people who took psilocybin, or hallucinogenic "magic mushrooms," became more open after the experience. The effect lasted at least a year, suggesting that it might be permanent.
Speaking of experimental drug use, California's try-anything culture is no myth. A study of personality traits across the United States released in 2013 found that openness is most prevalent on the West Coast.

## Conscientiousness

People who are conscientious are organized and have a strong sense of duty. They're dependable, disciplined and achievement-focused. You won't find conscientious types jetting off on round-the-world journeys with only a backpack; they're planners.
People low in conscientiousness are more spontaneous and freewheeling. They may tend toward carelessness. Conscientiousness is a helpful trait to have, as it has been linked to achievement in school and on the job.

## Extraversion

Extraversion versus introversion is possibly the most recognizable personality trait of the Big Five. The more of an extravert someone is, the more of a social butterfly they are. Extraverts are chatty, sociable and draw energy from crowds. They tend to be assertive and cheerful in their social interactions.
Introverts, on the other hand, need plenty of alone time, perhaps because their brains process social interaction differently. Introversion is often confused with shyness, but the two aren't the same. Shyness implies a fear of social interactions or an inability to function socially. Introverts can be perfectly charming at parties — they just prefer solo or small-group activities.

## Agreeableness

Agreeableness measures the extent of a person's warmth and kindness. The more agreeable someone is, the more likely they are to be trusting, helpful and compassionate. Disagreeable people are cold and suspicious of others, and they're less likely to cooperate.
Men who are high in agreeableness are judged to be better dancers by women, suggesting that body movement can signal personality. (Conscientiousness also makes for good dancers, according to the same 2011 study.) But in the workplace, disagreeable men actually earn more than agreeable guys. Disagreeable women didn't show the same salary advantage, suggesting that a no-nonsense demeanor is uniquely beneficial to men.

## Neuroticism

To understand neuroticism, look no further than George Costanza of the long-running sitcom "Seinfeld." George is famous for his neuroses, which the show blames on his dysfunctional parents. He worries about everything, obsesses over germs and disease and once quits a job because his anxiety over not having access to a private bathroom is too overwhelming.
George may be high on the neuroticism scale, but the personality trait is real. People high in neuroticism worry frequently and easily slip into anxiety and depression. If all is going well, neurotic people tend to find things to worry about. One 2012 study found that when neurotic people with good salaries earned raises, the extra income actually made them less happy.
In contrast, people who are low in neuroticism tend to be emotionally stable and even-keeled.
Unsurprisingly, neuroticism is linked with plenty of bad health outcomes. Neurotic people die younger than the emotionally stable, possibly because they turn to tobacco and alcohol to ease their nerves.
Possibly the creepiest fact about neuroticism, though, is that parasites can make you feel that way. And we're not talking about the natural anxiety that might come with knowing that a tapeworm has made a home in your gut. Undetected infection by the parasite Toxoplasma gondii may make people more prone to neuroticism, a 2006 study found.

## Other personality measures

Though personality types have fallen out of favor in modern psychological research as too reductive, they're still used by career counselors and in the corporate world to help crystallize people's understanding of themselves. Perhaps the most famous of these is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. A questionnaire based on the work of early psychologist Carl Jung sorts people into categories based on four areas: sensation, intuition, feeling and thinking, as well as extraversion/introversion.
Sensing and intuition refer to how people prefer to gather information about the world, whether through concrete information (sensing) or emotional feelings (intuition). Thinking and feeling refer to how people make decisions. Thinking types go with logic, while feeling types follow their hearts.
The Myers-Briggs system is rounded out with the judging/perception dichotomy, which describes how people choose to interact with the world. Judging types like decisive action, while perceiving types prefer open options.

## Friday, March 28, 2014

### Humility – An Important Leadership Quality

March 25, 2014
Humility is an important human quality. But did you know that humility can help you be a better leader, too?
Jim Collins, an influential consultant and author, wrote about humility and leadership in his groundbreaking book, “From Good to Great.”
He found that, in the top-performing companies he identified, leaders had humility in abundance; they shared credit for success, and they were the first to accept blame for mistakes.
He then highlighted many other qualities that we need to possess if we want to be truly “great” leaders.

## Getting off to a Good Start

It takes just a quick glance, maybe three seconds, for someone to evaluate you when you meet for the first time. In this short time, the other person forms an opinion about you based on your appearance, your body language, your demeanor, your mannerisms, and how you are dressed.
With every new encounter, you are evaluated and yet another person's impression of you is formed. These first impression can be nearly impossible to reverse or undo, making those first encounters extremely important, for they set the tone for all the relationships that follows.
So, whether they are in your career or social life, it's important to know how to create a good first impression. This article provides some useful tips to help you do this.

## Be on Time

Someone you are meeting for the first time is not interested in your "good excuse" for running late. Plan to arrive a few minutes early. And allow flexibility for possible delays in traffic or taking a wrong turn. Arriving early is much better that arriving late, hands down, and is the first step in creating a great first impression.

## Be Yourself, Be at Ease

If you are feeling uncomfortable and on edge, this can make the other person ill at ease and that's a sure way to create the wrong impression. If you are calm and confident, so the other person will feel more at ease, and so have a solid foundation for making that first impression a good one. See our section on relaxation techniques to find out how to calm that adrenaline!

## Present Yourself Appropriately

Of course physical appearance matters. The person you are meeting for the first time does not know you and your appearance is usually the first clue he or she has to go on.
But it certainly does not mean you need to look like a model to create a strong and positive first impression. (Unless you are interviewing with your local model agency, of course!)
No. The key to a good impression is to present yourself appropriately.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so the "picture" you first present says much about you to the person you are meeting. Is your appearance saying the right things to help create the right first impression?
Start with the way you dress. What is the appropriate dress for the meeting or occasion? In a business setting, what is the appropriate business attire? Suit, blazer, casual? And ask yourself what the person you'll be meeting is likely to wear – if your contact is in advertising or the music industry, a pinstripe business suit may not strike the right note!
For business and social meetings, appropriate dress also varies between countries and cultures, so it's something that you should pay particular attention to when in an unfamiliar setting or country. Make sure you know the traditions and norms.
And what about your grooming? Clean and tidy appearance is appropriate for most business and social occasions. A good haircut or shave. Clean and tidy clothes. Neat and tidy make up. Make sure your grooming is appropriate and helps make you feel "the part".
Appropriate dressing and grooming help make a good first impression and also help you feel "the part", and so feel more calm and confident. Add all of this up and you are well on your way to creating a good first impression.

The good news is you can usually create a good impression without total conformity or losing your individuality. Yes, to make a good first impression you do need to "fit in" to some degree. But it all goes back to being appropriate for the situation. If in a business setting, wear appropriate business attire. If at a formal evening social event, wear appropriate evening attire. And express your individuality appropriately within that context.

## A Winning Smile!

As the saying goes, "Smile and the world smiles too." So there's nothing like a smile to create a good first impression. A warm and confident smile will put both you and the other person at ease. So smiling is a winner when it comes to great first impressions. But don't go overboard with this – people who take this too far can seem insincere and smarmy, or can be seen to be "lightweights."

## Be Open and Confident

When it comes to making the first impression, body language as well as appearance speaks much louder than words.
Use your body language to project appropriate confidence and self-assurance. Stand tall, smile (of course), make eye contact, greet with a firm handshake. All of this will help you project confidence and encourage both you and the other person to feel better at ease.
Almost everyone gets a little nervous when meeting someone for the first time, which can lead to nervous habits or sweaty palms. By being aware of your nervous habits, you can try to keep them in check. And controlling a nervous jitter or a nervous laugh will give you confidence and help the other person feel at ease. Again, see our section on relaxation techniques for help with this.

## Small Talk Goes a Long Way

Conversations are based on verbal give and take. It may help you to prepare questions you have for the person you are meeting for the first time beforehand. Or, take a few minutes to learn something about the person you meet for the first time before you get together. For instance, does he play golf? Does she work with a local charitable foundation?
Is there anything that you know of that you have in common with the person you are meeting? If so, this can be a great way to open the conversation and to keep it flowing.

## Be Positive

Your attitude shows through in everything you do. Project a positive attitude, even in the face of criticism or in the case of nervousness. Strive to learn from your meeting and to contribute appropriately, maintaining an upbeat manner and a smile.

## Be Courteous and Attentive

It goes without saying that good manners and polite, attentive and courteous behavior help make a good first impression. In fact, anything less can ruin the one chance you have at making that first impression. So be on your best behavior!
One modern manner worth mentioning is "turn off your mobile phone". What first impression will you create if you are already speaking to someone other than the person you are meeting for the first time? Your new acquaintance deserves 100% of your attention. Anything less and you'll create a less than good first impression.

## Monday, March 24, 2014

### Effective Communication with Mindfulness

Have you ever had the experience while talking to someone where the person is really not listening to you? They act like they are but it is obvious that they aren’t. The ironic part is that they probably think they are communicating with you but on some level you just feel that you weren’t heard at all.
Communication is something we all engage in on a daily basis but due to the pace of our lives, conversations become just formalities. It is like when you go to the store and the cashier asks you: “how are you?” It’s as if she was on cruise control as opposed to really being interested in how you are doing.
Living mindfully isn’t limited to meditation, but can also be applied to effective communication in our daily interactions with other people. This article takes a look at 10 effective communication tips using the principles of mindfulness.

In my work as an attorney, eighty percent of cases I have seen in my career are a result of some form of misunderstanding and lack of effective communication. People agree to do something. They sign papers and start working on a project. Eventually, it turns out that each party heard something completely different.

## Communication Truth: We Hear What We Want to Hear

Let’s say someone tells you that they will talk to you later. Well, what does later mean? Does it mean five minutes from now? Does it mean five hours or five days from now? Or is that a polite way to convey that they have no desire to ever talk to you again? The possibilities are endless
I was recently talking to a friend about a problem that I had. I poured my heart out to her and when it was her turn to talk, she just gave me her thoughts which were mainly about herself and totally missed the point of what I was saying. I realize that my friend had good intentions but she was just not listening.
My initial reaction was sadness because I did not see how she could have misunderstood what I was saying. I started to wonder if maybe I did not express myself clearly. However, as I thought about what she had told me, I realized that she was listening to me from the perspective of her views of the world without placing herself in my shoes.
My friend was trying to find something in her life that made her feel the same way without truly understanding what I was feeling. It was like she heard only one word and was only focused on that one word but not the context.
The whole interaction fascinated me. Of course, that was not the first time I have had such an experience with someone. However, it was the first time where all the pieces fell into place and I realized the importance of applying mindfulness into my own communication.

## Communication vs. Mindfulness Communication

Mindfulness communication is a term that originates in Buddhist philosophy and became popular in the West due to the work of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn. He is the person who is credited for introducing to the medical profession the concept that meditation helps people reduce stress and other physical ailments.
Mindfulness communication means to listen and speak with compassion, kindness and awareness. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, regular communication is defined as “the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.”
As you notice in the above definition, there is no mention of compassion or kindness. If you watch any regular interaction between people, the form of communication will appear to fit the regular definition.
One person says one thing and the other person shares their thoughts. Most of the time, when someone is asked a question, they answer immediately. Not many seem to really think before speaking. In order to engage in effective communication using mindfulness, we have to listen mindfully and speak mindfully.

## 5 Tips to Listen with Mindfulness

When someone starts to talk to you, do your best to clear your head of any thoughts that are occupying your mind. Remove any sense of judgment about the person who is talking.
To listen to someone with a preconceived idea of who you think they are or what they are about to say, puts you at a disadvantage because you may miss what you could otherwise learn from the person who is talking.

### 2. Create a Safe Space

It is never easy for someone to open themselves up and tell you what is on their mind. If you really are attentive to what they are saying, it indirectly tells the other person that it is safe for them to be themselves with you.

### 3. Maintain Eye Contact

When someone is talking to you, do not look at your feet or the ceiling or whatever else is surrounding you. Just look into the eyes of the person who is talking. It shows that you care and wouldn’t you want someone to do the same for you?

### 4. Put Yourself In The Other Person’s Perspective

Experiences are relative; meaning people react and see things based on how they view the world. Put yourself in the shoes of the person who is talking and try to see the world from that angle.
Back in 2004, I was working in an office where everyone was a big supporter of a certain political view. I thought they were crazy but when I tried to understand why they all supported it, I saw that they really were good people who thought that the political idea in question would protect them. I disagreed but that was okay. I saw why they thought the way that they did. It made working with them so much easier.

### 5. Don’t Assume

If the person who is talking says something that you do not understand or is not very clear, don’t assume a thing but ask them to clarify their statement. Many times people assume that the other person means one thing when in reality they could be talking about something totally different. There is nothing wrong with asking questions as long as you ask them with compassion.

## 5 Tips to Speak with Mindfulness

### 1. Think Before Speaking

When someone asks you a question, don’t just immediately start talking. Take at least ten to twenty seconds (or more) to think about the question and how you want to answer.
When I first started dating my husband, I used to get impatient when it would take him a long time to answer my questions but then I realized he was thinking about what to say and I wasn’t used to someone actually taking the time to ponder the question.
It touched me so much, I started to do the same and it is amazing how much people really appreciate it when you take their questions seriously.

### 2. Choose Your Words Consciously

Just because something makes sense to you does not mean it will make sense to the other person.
I have a friend who has a very strange sense of humor. Most of the time, it sounds like he is insulting you but in reality he is not. I don’t think he is aware of what he does and he is always amazed that people get mad at him or feel hurt after speaking to him.
Painful words can cause more damage than physical pain, so choose your words consciously and carefully. Not everyone is willing to give another person a second chance. A sentence uttered without thinking can cause a person to lose their job or end a relationship.

Many times when we talk to someone, we like to give off a certain image. We want to appear as perfect as possible. We want the other person to like us and to think highly of us. Therefore, many people try too hard to be something they are not and they end up acting that way through a conversation.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to be yourself. That means speaking your truth. This does not mean you have to be rude or mean. You can speak your truth with compassion and kindness.
For example, I once met someone who was very critical of people who were vegans. The funny thing was that the person had no idea that I have been a vegan (vegetarian) for 21 years. I had two choices. I could either play along or tell the truth. I went ahead and told the guy the truth.
I was calm and told him that I understood his point of view. I went on and shared with him my thoughts on the issue. We ended up having a really great conversation and neither one of us ever had to raise our voice. No one likes to be lied to so don’t lie about who you are.

### 4. Mean What You Say

If when talking to someone, you tell them that you will send them a certain document by a certain date, do keep your word. You will earn a lot of respect when you follow through with your promises.
If you have no desire to talk to one person ever again, then do not say you will give them a call sometime. Whether it is in business or romance or with friends, keeping your word goes a long way. A Buddhist master once said to me, “word, thought and deed have to be one”. So don’t say you will do something when you really don’t intend to do it.

## Parting Words: Effective Communication

As a former “Type A” personality, I was always on the go and never really had time to talk to people. I always needed to be somewhere else or to do something. I am very well aware that the above steps may seem too time consuming but if you want to be successful in whatever you do and if you want to have meaningful relationships, you need people. As the saying goes, “it takes two to tango”.
The only way to have people respect you is if you respect them and engaging in effective communication using mindfulness is one of the best methods to earn that respect.

### Synchronicity – The Beauty of Coincidences

I missed Yoga this AM, as I thought it was Wednesday instead of Tuesday . . . a recent side effect of finding it hard to sleep and easy to wake up. The irony of all this is I sent the above quote streaming into Twitter space right before I rushed into an empty yoga room. Accident–the greatest of all inventors.
My newly gained, completely open hour gave me the opportunity to write this piece, spend more time in meditation, and just allow my day to flow as it is.
As I approached my 28th year last month, I’ve learned that mistakes, “accidents” and synchronicities are a recurring open door that provide us with an opportunity to address what really needs our attention. While a simple analogy, sometimes it is in the most ordinary moments of our day where there is wisdom to be found…even in missed yoga.

Perhaps I needed to slow down this morning, outside of the daily ritual I was accustomed to of being with my breath. And instead, get my head out of the clouds (a place where I’ve spent quite a bit of time lately) to be grounded and aware of my thoughts.
Perhaps I needed to break my wellness routine, just for one day, to take a different view of all the possibilities and elements that make up each morning. Perhaps the exploration of morning writing was more meaningful than late at night.
Or, perhaps, thinking it was the wrong day of the week just meant I needed to sleep more–according to my body–regardless of how excited my mind and spirit are, and how the two always want to be awake.
I’m a big believer in the concept of synchronicity, or as more commonly put, “everything happens for a reason.
According to Wikipedia, the definition of Synchronicity is:
The experience of two or more events that are apparently casually unrelated, occurring together, in a meaningful manner. The concept of synchronicity was first described by Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung in the 1920s.”
A favorite read of mine is Deepak Chopra‘s book on exploring how synchronistic events in our lives are never accidents or coincidences.
In The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, Deepak introduces the powerful concept of, what he coins, Synchrodestiny. He talks about how to transform your deepest desires and intentions into destiny; how to recognize the possibilities surrounding you; and how to create what you want with the clues that already exist. In this book, Deepak deepened my awareness of synchronicity with the science behind how fish swim:
The final stage of living synchrodestiny occurs when you become fully aware of the interrelatedness to all things, how each affects the next, how they are all “in synch” with one another. “In synch” is a coloquial of saying “in synchronicity,” which means in unison, as one.
Picture a school of fish swimming in one direction, and then in a flash, all the fish change direction. There is no leader giving directions.
The fish don’t think, “The fish in front of me turned left, so I should turn left.”
It all happens simultaneously. The synchronicity is choreographed by a great, pervasive intelligence that lies at the heart of nature, and is manifest in each of us through what we call the soul.
When we learn to live from the level of the soul, many things happen. We become aware of the exquisite patterns and synchronous rhythms that govern all life. We understand the lifetime of memories and experience that have molded us into the people we are today.
I would venture to guess that if Deepak was to complete Mark Twain’s quote, it would read something like this: “Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident—Or not at all.”
The bumps on our journey are the most powerful, transformational encounter. While these bumps may be disguised as interruptions, annoyances, something unplanned and unwanted in our day, there is meaning in its appearance.
Whether one believes in the concept of synchronicity or not, I invite you to approach the mishaps as gifts; the accidents as not so much of an accident; and the people we encounter as someone we can always learn and grow from.
The way you experience your day will shift. Moments will be full of discovery and fulfillment: the messages, the awareness, the blessings, and the abundance that are constantly surrounding us—in this very moment—will glow with significance.
I would like to believe that my accidentally missed yoga this morning allowed this synchronous piece to be created, so I could share a perspective changing concept with you: the universe is gracious and inviting in showing us the way, if we are open to recognizing its power.

When I graduated from fashion school last spring, I, like many other new graduates and job seekers, felt ready to take on the world. I had devoted 4 years to studying the thing that I had hoped would lead to a bright, shining career in the fashion industry, a dream I had held since I was 7 years old.
It didn’t happen like that. After graduation, I applied to over 20 jobs – in the first few months, the only reply I ever got was from a start-up company who insisted that their employees be Japanese and sold t-shirts with crude drawings on them.
Needless to say, my job search didn’t go too well. After a while, there was one position that I applied to when I had just started to give up that seemed to be the light at the end of the tunnel. I fought for the position, and almost got it.
It was a very unhappy and stressful time for me. At the time, I was being overworked at my full-time job in the wedding industry, however, I wanted very much to get my feet wet in fashion – my passion.

The irony was that the reason why I didn’t get that job was because the company felt that I wouldn’t have enough time based on my existing job in the wedding industry.
I admitted defeat, but began to think of the possible reasons why I was experiencing such bad luck – I started to doubt my skills as a designer, my cover letter writing abilities, I thought of applying to grad school, I even blamed my hopeless job search on my name.
It’s now been almost a year since I graduated, and what my life looks like today is a completely different story. I am happy, focused, and productive every single day, doing what I love.
But the thing is, I’m in exactly the same position I was in a few months ago: I still have the same job and have not managed to get a position in the fashion industry. Why? I stopped trying.
This isn’t a piece about giving up, which is not something I condone. In fact, it is more about persistence than anything else. You see, since I was a child, aside from my dream of being a fashion designer, I also wanted to be independent: my biggest goal was always to be my own boss.
And now, through clarity and insight, I am happy to say that I’ve found creative ways to pursue my passions in ways that are more meaningful to me.

## Personal Insights

Following are some of my thoughts and insights on creativity, clarity and happiness from my lens as a recent graduate trying to cultivate a creative and meaningful career doing something I love.

### Creativity

While it is obvious that people in my field of work need to be creative, creativity isn’t just about being a great artist or designer. It’s about finding solutions and solving problems.
During the time that I couldn’t find a job, I was focusing so much on the strife that it was bringing me, instead of focusing on what I could actively do to “turn my luck around“.
In today’s world, anything is possible with a bit of creativity and hard work. I realized that if I wanted something and no one was giving it to me, that I needed to find ways to get it myself.
Since graduation, I’ve also opened up my mind about what a career in the fashion industry could look like, and the avenues through which to achieve them. I’m no longer focused on becoming the world’s greatest fashion designer; instead, I choose to take advantage of what I am good at and what brings me joy doing in order to carve my own unique career.
I think we are all capable of going after our dreams, but that does require a little bit of thinking outside the box on our own part – nobody is going to hand us a cookie-cutter dream job.

### Clarity

My mind has never felt clearer and focused, now that it’s been stripped of expectations. Originally, I thought of my day job as something that drained my energy and was the barrier to my career I really wanted – now, I see it as the enabler to my success. Like it or not, freedom requires financial security. Once I let go of the idea that I was trapped, I saw every aspect of my life as an important ingredient in the eventual success of my vision.
Nothing is holding us back – we manifest our lives through what we do. Knowing how each act consciously contributes to our vision is key, and the power in knowing this is freeing.
Creativity means nothing if we don’t have the clarity to know what it is we are going after, and how we are going to get there. After that last interview was over, I took stock of what I had to offer and what my best skills were, and then decided with laser-sharp focus what I really wanted to do and how I was going to get there, one step at a time.
As my design teacher liked to say, “KISS” – Keep it simple, stupid. Understanding and figuring out what we want to do with our lives is deceptively simple (I simply went back to my childhood craving of independence and love of fashion and writing), as are the steps towards our dreams – you just have to focus in on what they are, and cut out all extraneous things that sidetrack you from your true vision.

### Happiness

In the end, it all boils down to happiness. I wasn’t happy at that point. I felt trapped. What I really wanted was freedom, not a job. And the act of job searching was not only draining and unfulfilling, but it got in the way of my grand plan for happiness.
Why are we conditioned to view the working life as the precedent to retirement? I no longer think that way. I am reaching for happiness and fulfillment today, every day. Had I found a job, I may be toiling my days designing clothes for a company whose philosophy doesn’t match mine, or worse, I may be left working 12 hour days as a design assistant, doing nothing more than measuring samples all day.
What I do after I get home from my day job brings me so much joy that I would do it for free – of course, my aim is that I will be able to make a living out of it.
Through joy, creativity and clarity, I know that my true dreams are possible – all I need now is persistence.

## Thursday, March 06, 2014

### The ExtraOrdinary Ideas for Motivation of our Better self.

The ultimate guide to personal motivation. I like the sound of ultimate because it means final and implies it’s the only guide you’ll ever need. This should be the motivational guide to end all guides because that’s what lazy people need. Reading’s brilliant for entertainment or education yet it’s also a great escape and procrastination device but if you’re reading about personal motivation there’s something you want to achieve. You’re ready to stop procrastinating, spinning your wheels and being lazy because there’s something you want to get done.

What do you want to do or what should you be doing? Is it a long term task like writing your memoirs or something quick but unpleasant like booking a dental appointment or going to it? Why can’t you get motivated? Are you reluctant to vacuum and mop the floor because you know within six hours of completing the job a mob of hungry children will have sprinkled it evenly with bread and cookie crumbs then smeared mud and honey on top? Or is there something deeper holding you back like fear, lack of confidence or perfectionism?

It’s worth working out the answers to these questions for your own interest but in the end personal motivation still comes down to the old problem of getting started on something. I’m a lazy at heart yet I manage to achieve more than many other people do despite that. For example, I wrote over 130 articles for my blog over the last 15 months. I hope some of my tips will help kick start you into action.

Some people seem to have internal motivation which gets them moving and keeps them going when other people falter and fail to cross the start line. But you’re probably not like that or you wouldn’t need the ultimate guide to personal motivation would you?

Maybe you’re more like me. I respond well to deadlines, and although I sometimes start things well before they need to be completed, I never finish them until the last minute. I need a reason to do something. For example, if I need to lose weight it won’t happen unless I know that in four months I’ll be at a family reunion with aunties, uncles and cousins who haven’t seen me for five years.

You might tend to laziness and need a deadline, a carrot or a whip to get you in action but don’t despair, that doesn’t mean you’ll do any worse than someone with an internal drive to rival Bill Gates and his products. You can achieve just as much using external motivators to keep you on track.

If you’re a procrastinator and like to leave things until the last minute, you’ll just have to use a few tricks to get you going. Here are some that work for me:

### 1. Tell the world

Tell the world what you’re going to do. Announce it on Twitter, tell a friend, tell your boss, promise your cat. That should make you follow through.

### 2. Set a timer

How long does it take to clean the fridge, weed the front lawn or write a blog post if you put your mind to it? 20 minutes? An hour? Pick a reasonable time, set your alarm clock and go at it hammer and tongue until the bell rings.

### 3. Reward yourself

Of course everyone deserves to be rewarded for their hard work and no one should be a one-dimensional working machine. Promise yourself a small treat when the job’s done: a cup of tea, a quick call with a friend, a lie on the sofa with your eyes closed, or a walk.

### 4. Break big jobs down into small manageable chunks

All the above work best for short tasks. No lazy person could stay motivated to write an entire book but if you can work out a way to write 1000 words a day four days a week for a year then the book will have written itself.

### 5. Hang around with other motivated people.

Some people sap your energy, deplete your confidence, wear you down and depress you. Take note when it happens and avoid them or avoid talking about your pet project with them so they can’t deflate you.

### 6. Create an imaginary and urgent deadline.

Reporters and journalists thrive on deadlines. My friend Molly worked for Voice of America and she had to get out a report every hour on the hour. If she didn’t she’d be out of a job. Yes, it was stressful, especially at first but her writing got faster and better and she started to enjoy the challenge in the end.

Some of us aren’t lucky enough to be ruled by the iron fist of a stressed out newspaper editor, probably because we chose to work from home to get away from that type of office-based, fear-ruled work. But now we’re experiencing the joys of being our own boss and working for ourselves a deadline can still help. If there aren’t any, just make them up.

Pretend this is your last chance to make your business succeed and if it doesn’t happen at the end of a year you’ll have to go back to the office job you hated. Pretend that this one job is the last thing you’ll ever do, the thing that will leave a lasting impression, your final word. That’s what I did.
Imagining this was the last article I ever wrote created a sense of urgency and helped me get it down faster and without succumbing to the ever-increasing distractions around me.

No, it’s definitely not my last one. I’m on a roll now. Only 9.10 am and I’ve already got something down on paper. I’m going to have a ten-minute stretch now and then I’ll get back to it.

This time I’ll up the ante by promising myself I’m never eating again until the next job is done. I know it’s sad really but if you’re lazy like me you have to take desperate measures.

* How do you get yourself motivated when putting-it-off is an easier option? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below. See you there!