Friday, April 08, 2016

Parenting & Happiness : A Wonderful Story


I’ve been feeling pretty scattered lately. I think it’s because it’s been 3 weeks since I had quality alone time, and somehow in that time, taking care of myself slipped to the bottom of my priority list, again.

Yes, I know it’s important. At least in theory: taking care of myself will benefit everyone around me, and not doing so will hurt the same people I love. But when things get busy, as they always do, something has to give.

I yelled at Ryan today. At the top of my lungs, I asked, “What do you need from me?? What do you want?” No matter what I did, the boy just kept crying, at the top of his lungs. And by raising my voice I made it even worse. I just lost it. Lost in the noise of my own mind, blinded by frustration. Anger overcame my better judgment.
The look of horror on Ryan’s face is now imprinted on my memory, and I silently whispered a prayer that it isn’t imprinted on his.

When I picked him up, heavy tears rolled down his tiny face. And with the momentum of lifting him up, a few large drops landed on the edge of my mouth. They tasted salty, and at that instant, I felt a pang of sharp pain shooting through my body – pain from the sad realization that I had caused those tears.

I felt like a horrible parent. I felt like a horrible person. After Jeremy came home from work, I told him about it, and the look of disappointment on his face caused me to feel like I needed to be locked away in a dark room and have the keys be thrown away.
It was a pretty rough day. I felt defeated.

Jeremy said, – perhaps taking pity in me – that things like this happen all the time (to other people). I want to believe him, but I’m not sure. I think it’s me. I think I have anger/patience issues that I need to address and overcome.

From where I’m standing, every other parent seems to have it together. I see many new mothers who have the whole parenting thing together – they are not only patient, and make their own baby food, but also manage to take their babies to early education classes, bake for their family, and keep a perfectly organized household.

And then I look at myself: a baby-food-buying “horrible” parent who looses her temper. And our home is so messy that it looks like it’s been hit by a level 4 tornado.
It’s so easy to pick on ourselves when we are feeling bad.

Perhaps, Jeremy is right, that behind the closed door of every household, we aren’t as together as we let the world believe – an idealistic image of perfection and ever-flowing happiness. And only in the privacy of our own mind, do we silently hope that others won’t find out – that we’re not as perfect or happy as the pictures of our smiling faces portray.
I sighed, and thought, “motherhood is hard.”

And then I heard a voice in my heart say, “So what? That’s life! No one said it was gonna be an easy ride? You are creating the horrible experience by your thoughts and by your lack of awareness. You can change this!

Yes! Yes, I can! I can’t change the situation, but I can change, through consistent practice, my reaction to things. You know how the saying goes: you can’t change the wind, but you can adjust the sail. I love that!

Through my own observation, I realized that no matter how beautiful you are, or how wealthy you are, or how successful you are, we all have one thing (of many) in common, and that is, we all have problems (relationship, stress and insecurities are the most common ones I’ve seen.).

My point is we should stop blaming our problems on a lack of something we think we should have (ie. beauty, money, smarts, etc.). Encountering problems is inherent to being human, and part of having the human experience.

The underlying story may be different, but we all have our unique challenges, and we either learn from them and move on, or get stuck and allow the pain to sting a little.
That’s what life is – a constant unfolding of events and challenges that defines our experiences. How we choose to perceive these experiences is up to us. How we choose to welcome or resist the challenges is also up to us.

We, essentially, shape our future, by the decisions we make right now. Regardless of what happened in the past moment, regardless of the ‘mistakes’ we’ve made, the future is always fresh, and the power lies in the Now – where we get to decide how we will direct the path of our future.
Regret and self-pity will only keep us stuck in the past. And only we have the power, to keep ourselves stuck in the unhappiness of our problems.

After Ryan went to bed for the night, Jeremy and I talked about our options, and drilled into why it happened. The results were fruitful and plenty.

And if you’re curious, my biggest take away from that conversation is that I am trying to do too much when watching my son. I am dividing my attention between trying to be productive with house chores and my businesses, and fulfilling the needs of a very active (and very curious) 10 month old.

It just doesn’t work, and it is a conflict. A young child is sensitive enough to pick up on the energy that he doesn’t have your full attention, and will do what it takes to get your attention. At this tender age, it is important that he feels engaged, talked to, played with, read to, and not ignored – because mommy is busy with something else.

Jeremy also reminded me of how lucky we are that I have the option to stay at home and witness our little baby grow into a boy. And that this period of demanding infancy is short lived, and once it’s over, we’ll look back regretting that we didn’t appreciate how beautiful and sacred this period was.

With tears welling up in my eyes, I agreed. We are so lucky to have such a healthy and happy baby boy. And yes, I do take things for granted, and I appreciate the reminder for giving gratitude for the countless blessings in my life.

Next time I feel anger, or find myself at the tip of frustration, before loosing my cool I will do 3 things:
  1. Close my eyes and take a deep breath.
  2. Give gratitude that I have such a healthy and precious baby boy.
  3. Dwell on his innocence. Meditate on his cuteness and purity. Connect with him. In other words, being mindful around him, and appreciating the beautiful moments we have in the Now.
Most importantly, I vow to never yell at him again. I vow to change. I want to change. I want to be a better person… to be a better mom… to become a better role model for my little man.
If he is someone who I would easily give my life for, then I sure as heck can change to become a better person for him. My behavior and reactions to the external are a matter of habits, and a habit can be changed. It’s a matter of decision and commitment.

Today, I’ve decided to change. Today, I am committed to becoming a more patient and dedicated parent.
Along the way, I know I will make mistakes. And when I do, I will be kind to myself. I will accept myself for who I am right now, and know that I am on a pathway of awakening, riding through the challenges and overcoming emotional habits that are not conducive to the wellbeing of my family – who mean the world to me.

This morning (5 days later), while feeding Ryan his breakfast of yogurt and breast milk, in his playful mumbling, I vaguely heard “mama” snuggled in between the “baba” sounds. In that moment, time froze, and I felt as though my heart skipped a beat.

“Ahh, This is what happiness is all about. The simple moments where miracles happen that change you forever.”, I thought.
I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry. I think I did both.

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Wednesday, April 06, 2016

What is Beautiful : Everything is Beautiful.

Hello!
Have you ever wondered what is really beautiful? Let me take you to a tour of what is really beautiful.

When a Mother and her two twins child are playing on a beach in the evening then you will say wow.. It's beautiful.

When a Father and her daughter are playing in the garden and father is saying to his daughter let's go, but daughter is saying 10 more minutes please dad and father says okay, then you will say wow.. It's beautiful.

When a couple is enjoying their weekend with their child on a hill station and then you will say wow.. It's beautiful.

When a grandfather, father and his child are playing together in the garden which is full of awesome flowers and that by seeing that you will say wow.. It's beautiful.

When two sisters are sitting together on a bench and sharing their problems, supporting each other and smiling together then you will say wow.. It's beautiful.

When you open your social site in mobile and suddenly you see picture of a person with whom you are not in touch with for long time then you will say wow.. It's beautiful.

When you are standing in the balcony of 16th floor flat and you see natural beauty then you will say wow.. It's beautiful.

When you are wondering on a street and you see suddenly it's started raining and due to that everything looks differently awesome and also you see a rainbow in the sky then you will say wow.. It's beautiful.

Thank you so much for your precious time. Please do share your ideas about what you think is beautiful.
You can also share it with your friends and other people. Thank you!

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Friday, April 01, 2016

Is texting ruining the English language?



" Omg ....isn't it awsum?" ......"Howz lyf" .......... "lol...datz kewl!" 

Ever so often, I have had my associates turn in an assignment, in which the new generation texting language makes an appearance. Although I always remember to mention that these assignments are formal documents and so they should have a very formal tone. 



I have been training people in communication skills for years now and it irks me no end when I have an associate deliver his assignment where the “you “ becomes “u” and the “that” goes ”dat”.



But who can blame them? When they spend endless hours chatting on whatsapp or wechat using this style of writing, isn’t it obvious that this language would quietly find its way into formal documentation. 



I do understand that today’s world of communication is technology driven. It’s a fact that, texting has become the most popular mode of communication today. At work, at meetings, at home, and with friends, texting is making its presence felt almost everywhere.



I am a witness to this ongoing transition. As part of the ILP curriculum, the new entrants to TCS, have to develop a mini project in whichever software language they are getting trained in. These days, I have seen Java project UIs saying “u have been registrd succssfully......!!!!” or a CPP project UI go “do u wnt to proceed furthr?” Whatever happened to the good old vowel sounds? Texting has almost made the vowels obsolete. The sounds that have enabled us throughout the ages to express our emotions and feelings, suddenly find themselves left out. Aren’t we taking a lot of liberty with a language that is known for its refinement. It is almost as if, we have become too lazy to even type our words correctly. And what about the punctuations? “It is just fine to put a few extra exclamations and interrogative marks, they help to create an emphasis”...they say. 



Or is it all a new way to make sense between writing and speaking? Much like the way Phonetics does. Is it a search to write the way we speak? One thing that we all have to agree is that ”English is a funny language”. We never write the way we speak it. At least, the new texting language is doing its bit to make some sense of the written sounds.



On the other hand, it also reminds us that English language is alive and thriving. Probably, this is the way language evolution happens. Every language has been making comprises to suit human needs and requirements, and language changing, in itself, shows the evolution of a society. I am sure that the language we think of as correct English, must have gone through years of similar transformation to be what it is today.



The purpose of any language is to effectively communicate ideas from one to another. And texting enthusiasts argue that our ability to do that is greatly hindered with so much pointless complexity and inconsistency in our language. Hence, simplification is exactly what our language needs and that is what the modified text English is offering us. If we just let go of institutionalized language and let it naturally evolve like it's meant to, we may just have the perfect language in the near future. Probably it would be good to let language evolution take its natural course and grow into something much more effective.



Personally I find it a bit concerning that people are no longer thinking about speaking correctly and that their ability to write correctly is restricted by the limitations of buttons of their phone keypads, or perhaps more significantly, laziness.



So, wat do u say abt dat? Do u think txting is ruinin' d English language... or r v jst bein' overly senstiv 2wrds dis topic?? 



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